jeez i would love to order that thing online, but i don’t know what size to order it in because women’s clothing sizes are determined by the alignments of the planets in relation to the fuck you galaxy
"aren’t you afraid that you fail your exam?"
IM IN MY SCHOOLS LIBRARY RN AND IM SITTING IN THE QUIET AREA DOING WORK AND THIS GIRL JUST TRIED TO TAKE A PICTURE OF ME BUT HER FLASH WENT OFF AND I LOOKED AT HER AND SHE GOT SO RED AND SHE LOOKED MORTIFIED AND SHE CONVULSED IN HER SEAT AND KNOCKED HER LAPTOP AND BOOKS OFF HER DESK AND I JUST KEPT LOOKING AT HER AND SHE WAS LIKE ‘IM SO SO SORRY I FOLLOW YOU ON TUMBLR AND I JUST WANTED A PICTURE’ IM LAUGHIGN SO HARD OMGF
*opens window and screams* AM I MORE THAN YOUVE BARGAINED FOR YET I’VE BEEN DYING TO TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT TO HEAR CAUSE THATS JUST WHO I AM THIS WEEK
I think this is my favorite picture.
love this beyond words
i hate the neologism “partner” for “person i’m dating”. i have no intention of being a cowboy and nobody will ever be a cowboy to me.
speak for yourself, slim. some of us cowpoke are lookin’ for the right partner to call our own… [twangs acoustic guitar softly as i stare towards the twinkling night sky] don’t see many of them stars where you’re from, eh, city boy? nah. didn’t think so.
Two puns for the price of one
benefits of being friends with me
- shitty jokes whenever you ask for them
- shitty jokes whenever you don’t ask for them